Updated: Jul 11
Warning, while I'm sure the lessons and dynamics of this blog can be well received by EVERYONE... but one of my same-sex couples is what sparked these thoughts. So, I will be using ideals around #samesexcouples for a lot of the content.
Now, let's get into it...
I say that with deep conviction and lots of love.
As I chat with couples, whether they are same-sex or not, they always ask me. "What do people usually do?" My response is always a grumble and shrug. Because well... I try to get them to think beyond what everyone else does and to focus on what they actually want/like. So, my answer is typically a passive grumble, a shoulder shrug, and me doing air quotes around the word "traditionally" while I explain whatever they've asked.
But today the question hit differently. Today one of them was very visibly NOT INTO what they thought they were supposed to do. They are two men and had the idea to enter the ceremony in the same manner (both walking down with their parents, guests all standing, one after the other) - so that they would go against gender norms or labels (like one waiting at the altar, coming in first, etc). But guess what.. one of them HATED that idea.
A part of my job is managing the energy and I could tell it was off! So, I asked about what they genuinely desired, and guess what... it (technically) fell along the lines of the traditional gender norm but with a little flare. As I shared with them different ideas and options for entrance, we landed on something that felt natural, organic, and exciting for both of them. That's when I gave them the "Worry about yourself sweetheart" speech! Lol. Yes, burn down the patriarchy, throw gender roles in the trash, rage against the machine, and spit in the face of social norms. But also, make sure you are honoring yourself while you're doing it.
There is SO much pressure to be this or that, to not be that or this, and to stand against that AND this. It's A LOT! And it's a weight you DO NOT have to pick up, especially on your wedding day. Your wedding ceremony should be a genuine reflection of how you and your partner show up for one another, how you present yourself to the world, and how you connect with the people around you. If there is any part that makes you feel... out of sorts... LEAVE IT! This is your ritual - make sure that you connect with each part of it.
The idea that stuck.
For same-sex couples, entrance choices can stir up a whirlwind of emotions. Will you be walking in with your parents? Will your guests stand for one or both of you? Who stands on what side? Will one be at the altar? And the list goes on. I made a fun video on Instagram with some other ideas but I wanted to share the idea that my couple decided on. For reference, they are both men, one a little more boisterous than the other, they both want their mothers involved, one has no desire for lots of attention.
For these two, they decided on the "more traditional" flow with a little flare.
Officiant will enter. A sign that the ceremony is beginning, and I will give a cellphone reminder (no flash, silent, stay in the seated area, etc).
The first groom enters with his mother.
His family enters (father, grandparents, etc).
Second groom's family (father, grandparents, etc).
First groom's wedding party.
Second groom's wedding party.
Guests will stand/face the entrance.
The second groom enters. Clearly, my second groom wants all the smoke and regalia on his wedding day! Lol. And he's gonna get every since once of it honey!!!
Now, as I mentioned, this is what ended up working for them. It's the flow and emotions that they want to have on their wedding day. One groom wanted to be present in anticipation and waiting for his husband at the altar, the other wanted to be greeted by standing and excited guests.
So, when you are thinking about how you and your partner will enter your ceremony space - you already know what to do. Drop that norms, release the pressure of this or that, and WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF SWEETHEART!